Trilingual Parenting

More, 还要啊, & Encore

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Nina and Laura the cat
Nina and Laura the cat

One of the first words Nina started to speak was ‘more’, to indicate that she wanted more food, or she liked the game, or to identify anything that she liked.

One month later, she started to say ‘还要啊’ when hearing many time from me to ask for more food.

Since we arrived in France almost three weeks ago, she quickly learnt that most people here would react favourably to her demand when she said ‘encore’.

Now she tries her luck often in all three versions of asking for more, so to increase her chance of success. Of course if she got what she wanted at the first try, this little person would just stop trying and got on with what she just got, which very often would be a mandarin!

This is the second word that she knows in all three languages (English, Mandarin, French). The first one was ‘ta (as in thanks)’, ‘merci’, and ‘谢谢’,although I suspect she already forgot ‘ta’ as I haven’t heard it for a while.

But with this said, you never know, because the duration of memory of a child is actually quite amazing as I learnt the other day. I was pointing to an Ostrich when saying 鸵鸟  to her. Just as I thought she perhaps didn’t register anything as it’s quite a difficult word to pronounce, she said ‘走啊走，走啊走’.　 I was amazed because indeed there was an ostrich in a Chinese book back at home in Sydney when it demonstrated how different animals walk with the rhyme of the text ‘走啊走，走啊走 that went with it. The last tine when we read the book was at least three weeks ago already, and we didn’t even read that book very often. Yet she remembered the text when seeing an ostrich.

If ever we were able to find a way to get into a child’s brain and see what happens there, it must be really amazing.

P.S: to follow our RTW experience: Trilingual Family blog, or join Trilingual Family facebook group.

Legally United

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Visa Restriction Index
Visa Restriction Index.
Number of countries that can be entered without a visa by a citizen of:
(source: https://www.henleyglobal.com/citizenship/visa-restrictions/)

This is it. Since Dec 13th 2013, for the first time in our trilingual family’s history, all three of us became the citizens of the same country: the lucky country of down under, Australia.

While Nina was born Australian, Nicolas took up Australian nationality in March this year (by keeping his French nationality) by the desire of it, I took the plunge only very lately, mostly by the necessity of it I have to admit.

The moment we started to contemplate the plan of travelling around the world (even when nowhere near the certainty that we were to carry it out), I decided that, if I was to continue to hold a Chinese passport, there won’t be a need to contemplate. It will be just the end of it. As the chart below shows the number of countries that can be entered without a visa by a citizen of various countries, it’s 44 by Chinese citizen and 167 by Australian citizen (and to the delight of Nicolas, it’s 170 by French citizen). If we wanted to travel with lots of spontaneity in terms of where to go and when, a Chinese passport unfortunately became a permit not to travel.

The real issue is not about the taking up of Australian citizenship, nevertheless. The real issue is about the giving up of Chinese citizenship. Chinese government doesn’t accept dual nationality like France and some other countries.

This was the reason that has caused my hesitation up till this point. This was also the reason that many people were quite shocked when hearing my decision of becoming Australian.

Among those who were not shocked are Chinese, including my own family. It seems it’s such a popular thing to do to migrate to another country for Chinese these days, and every Chinese who travels or wants to travel regularly knows the pain of applying for visas, it hardly became surprising to hear such news. As my sister put it ‘as long as you are Chinese in heart, the rest is just the formality’.

Or is it?

When you think of it, there are just a few occasions in life that are REALLY defining moments, such as the birth, the death, the wedding, the birth of your own child. And there is the acquisition of a different nationality – which is not a given but something of enough importance that triggers some philosophical reflection. What does a nationality stand for: is it the loyalty to a country? Is it the root of where you come from? Is it your beliefs and disbeliefs? Is it who you would cheer for in the Olympic Games? Is it the law that governs it and the rights that are granted to its citizens?

Does the change of a nationality takes all these away from you?

Or rather, the change of a nationality takes a little bit of myself away. As much as I would like to think it’s more a matter of formality and a piece of paper – on top of a genuine fondness of Australia as a country – I still cannot shake off the sense of making a choice that betrayed the country I was born in. Or at least the sense of giving up, finally, despite years of resistance. It’s a feeling hard to shake off.

Someone has suggested that China – at least the one that is governed by the current government – is not one that is to be loyal to. But it’s not really the point. It’s where I was born and it’s where I grew up, regardless of its geographic location or political reality. No matter whether it’s in the heart of the best place in the world, or it’s in the middle of nowhere, it remains a very special place. To publicly announce that I am no longer officially part of it, no matter how special it remains in my heart forever, is not an easy thing to do.

Yet I made the choice.

It’s probably nothing but my conscious – and unconscious – desire of making our trip a reality that was demonstrating itself. The trip ought to be special with a major decision like this.

P.S: to follow our RTW experience: Trilingual Family blog, or join Trilingual Family facebook group.

What I Have Learnt About Travelling With A Toddler, So Far

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YIN_2006It is thanks to our warm-up trip in New Zealand in later November and equally importantly my experience of being a ‘full-time’ mother for the last three weeks since Nina stopped going to full-time day care that I have learnt a few things about what to expect when travelling with her during the next 9 months.

Learning #1: pack everything the night before your morning flight.

Even before the plane took off from Sydney, my biggest learning on how to pack has already took place. That is: pack everything the night before your morning flight.

I thought I did. It turned out I left a ton of things undone – all normally small things that needed 30 seconds to get done, without a toddle in bad mood. I wanted to wash three apples and bring with us as we just had time for a super light breakfast. Nina saw them and wanted to eat one immediately. I had to refuse because we were running out of time and, surprise surprise, she started to cry. Then try to put her shoes on when she was crying! Any parent who has attempted this will tell you that it might take a life time, and lots of muscles! So a simple 30-second action of ‘washing three apples and put into the bag’ turned into a 10 minutes battle. So my learning from that incident was to wash those bloody apples and put into the bag the night before. And never leave ‘just a few more things’ to the last minute.

Learning #2: Pack lunch

It was 11:15am. We visited a beautiful old cemetery in Auckland and were ready to march to the nearby city centre for lunch. Nina normally had lunch between 11:30 and 12 so we thought it would just be in time when we get to the city.

Then Nina started to be grumpy. She didn’t want to walk anymore, nor sit in her pram. She wanted to climb into our arms and started to suck her thumb. She was also pointing at my bag where I usually put a snack or two. But that day all that I had was some dry raisins (another mental notes: stock some snacks as soon as arriving in a new place). Obviously she needed to rest and to eat. Otherwise nobody got to rest and eat properly for the following 2 hours. So we just hurried into the closest restaurant that we spotted and ordered the quickest food possible. We were lucky that it was a Japanese restaurant, the food was okay, and the bill wasn’t too dear. But what if it was some food that we didn’t necessarily fancy at that moment? What if there were only fine-dining type of restaurants (anyone who had the pleasure of dining with Nina would agree with me that she’s not yet ready for fine dinging!)? What if there wasn’t any food place at all nearby?

So we quickly decided that, in the future, no matter what was planned for the day, we would always pack some lunch to take with us for the day, at least for Nina. Something simple. Something that can be supplied to Nina at any given time and given place as long as there is some sort of place to sit down (a park, a bench under the tree, a nice public square, and even better a beach!). A simple sandwich for example could do the trick. The fact that we would have the peace of mind that we always have plan B ready is priceless when travelling with an impatient toddler who wants it NOW!

Learning #3: Pack books. What about toys?

We decided to bring a few (light) books – her favourite tao zi series and tchoupi. It turned out to be an extremely wise decision, because she always asked for them! In the car, on the plane, before bed time, after breakfast, etc, etc. She never seemed getting tired of them. So far.

On the other hand, we decided not to bring any toys. They are bulky generally, and we found that she didn’t have one particular favourite toy (not like her books), and she grew out of any given toy at home very quickly. And I figured, for her, anything could be a toy when travelling. Cooking utensils were great fun. If we were out and about, it was everything in the new environment that attracted her attention. She would happily play with a fallen leave or tree branch for a while!

With this said, I am more than aware that her ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ change all the time. Her favourite books might be forgotten soon. She might start to become attached to one particular thing that would become her special toy. As that comes, we will need to adjust what to bring, or to get rid of.

Learning #4 Go with the flow

As I wrote in the previous blog ‘Slow Travel’, we as a family found that travelling slow was a great way to travel with Nina. Planning no more than two ‘big’ things in a day seems to be working so far. Visit a museum and do grocery. Go to beach and have a nap under the tree (yes napping does count as a ‘big’ thing!). Chill out at home and write blog. Laundry. Just to list a few days’ planning.

But no matter how much planning was done, there would always be days when nothing goes as planned. A chill-out-at-home day may turn out to be a day when Nina just wanted to go outdoors- she would bring her shoes, and her parents’ shoes to us, and insisted everyone put them one. This was when I would know I had less than 2 minutes to get ready to go out.

So my strategy was to go with the flow. If it’s not what we have planned, instead of fighting to get our plan back, it’s better to just get a plan B and enjoy it. The luxury of being able to travel slowly usually made up for the missing of plan A.

Of course it’s easier said than done. I lost temper and patience a few times already in my 3-week full-time mother career. I am quite sure that I would do the same unspeakable again, and again. But hey, I am learning!

Gone are the days when we could just throw a backpack onto our, well, back, and off we went. Travelling with a toddler requires planning and patience. A lot of both. I am working on both front.

P.S: to follow our RTW experience: Trilingual Family blog, or join Trilingual Family facebook group.

Trilingual Family Going Wild

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YIN_6143It’s nerve-wracking enough even just to say it loudly: our trilingual family is going on a round-the-world trip for 9 months!

I am positive that we’ve shocked our families, especially mothers, and many friends successfully in the last month or so after we made the decision.

In a way, I have shocked myself as well. Ever since Nina was born I thought the travel-far-and-further days are behind me, for good. No one in my immediate entourage has ever travelled with a young child for that long. Once you have a child, you are supposed to settle, aren’t you? And with 20 days of annual leave per year and 2 families to visit in China and France, and a mortgage to pay in the insanely priced Sydney, how on earth would we be able to find time and money to travel longer than a few weeks, ever again?

Then the door opened itself.

The company I had been working for 7 years announced some job cuts in September, and that included mine. Suddenly I found myself no longer needing to attend to work. In return a cheque was being sent my way.

I could of course choose to find another job, and let the cheque disappear in the mortgage. That would have been a logical choice.

Or I could choose otherwise.

After all, I have chosen to leave the comfort of home country behind and moved three continents already. I have chosen to change career path completely a few times  because my heart told me to try out new things even at the expense of climbing the corporate ladder faster. I have chosen to spend my resources and energy from young age on travelling to almost 30 countries and learning new cultures/languages and meeting new people. I have chosen the bumpy yet colorful road of marrying someone from a different culture for the last 7+ years. I have chosen to bring up a trilingual child.

So why cannot we choose to take 9 months out, and travel with our 22-month-old daughter around the world?

I have my fair share of worries, to be sure. Are we putting Nina at risk by taking her to the unknown territories at such a young age? Is she going to be overwhelmed/traumatized by the constant changes? Are we able to financially support travelling for 9 months with no income and no promise of immediate income upon return? Are we physically up to looking after a toddler at her terrible two while on the road? Is it a career suicide? Are we going to disappoint our families (while they thought that we finally ‘settled’)?

After almost a month of tossing all these questions around, we made the decision.

Instead of allowing all these worries – all valid ones by the way – talk us out of the idea, we decided that we would never know the real answers for sure. Unless we try it.

Nina could be totally immersed in all these fascinating places we are going to (I will reveal our itinerary plan in another post :)). She might learn to be more flexible and adaptable. She may even pick up some Spanish along the way (hopefully I will, too) – a Quadra-lingual family?! We could travel on budget (such as renting an apartment for a month which typically costs much less than hotels and allows us to cook most of time to save on restaurant bills) so that our money stretches a bit longer. We would rent out our home to support the mortgage. We would slow down the pace and do less ‘touristy’ things – so that we have plenty of time to wind down from running after Nina, and also get to experience how locals live. We cross our fingers that one of us will find a job fairly quickly upon return even if it means that we need to alter our expectation slightly. I might even test out an idea or two of generating some income while on the road, no matter how small amount that is. And last but certainly not the least, we count on our families to come to terms with our decision.

Above all, shouldn’t we celebrate life, when we still can, by living to its full on our own terms?

Once a decision is made, the rest is just logistics.

Another major decision was made (I will come to it in a separate post – yes it is THAT important). The dates are set. The round-the-world tickets were booked. Travel doctor was visited. Nina stopped going to daycare. Friends living anywhere near our planned destinations are contacted (some generously offered to accommodate us which I am so grateful and looking forward to seeing some of them after so many years). A 8-day test trip to New Zealand starts next Monday.

The Trilingual Family RTW is becoming a reality.

P.S: to follow our RTW experience: Trilingual Family blog, or join Trilingual Family facebook group.

Ice Pop and Chicken Soup

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ice pop Nina had her first operation in life – grommets. A grommet (or ‘tympanostomy tube’ as listed on the official paper) is a small ring that’s put into the eardrum that helps the air to pass through to the middle ear more easily and to clear the fluid within so that (in Nina’s case) she doesn’t get ear infection that easily.

To cut the long story short, the operation went well, and Nina coped by sleeping for almost two hours after the operation – to wear off the effort of the anesthesia I suppose. Then she woke up, being totally herself. That means she was ready to eat anything that was put in front of her.

So guess what was the first thing that the hospital gave to her? Ice pop (or ice lolly, ice block, popsicle, freeze pop, freezer pop as you would call it in some other parts of the world)!!!

If my mother was around at that time, she would have screamed. NO!!!! you cannot give a child – or anyone – anything icy/cold after an operation! She should be given chicken soup instead!!!

For Chinese, hot and soupy things are the best, and almost the only, things to give to the weak, the young, the pregnant, and the unwell. Ice is a big no no for these people. The body needs comfort from the warmth of the soup while icy stuff only agitates the body – that’s the theory behind that all. Chinese were educated from the very young age.

That’s why till this date, I didn’t dare to tell her that, right after delivering Nina in the hospital, while still on the theatre bed when the midwifes were checking/cleaning Nina, exhausted and hungry, I was given food and drink – and guess what was the drink? Icy cold lemonade … If she was around, I would have be given … you guessed it … the chicken soup.

It’s almost a guaranteed culture shock for Chinese to go overseas for the first time not being able to find 温水 easily (warm water – or boiled water that has become only warm), while non-Chinese for not being offered just cold water when visiting China for the first time.

When I was working for a French company in France, once while receiving a group of Chinese delegates (which didn’t happen very often by then), as the only Chinese in the company, I was pulled aside by one of the delegates to the back of the meeting room secretly asking for some 温水, as they just couldn’t stand the cold water anymore. I had to run around the office to mix the hot and cold water from the coffee machine to make 温水. Many colleagues asked me what I was doing.

I did end up drinking some chicken soup in the maternity ward of the hospital though – a visiting friend couple (Japanese/Korean wife and HK husband, so perhaps it’s an Asian thing) kindly brought me a big serve of home-made chicken soup. While I was heating it up in the microwave in the hospital kitchen, it started to smell extremely nice. It’s almost like smelling home. After all, no matter how further you have travelled away and how much you think you have changed, home is always there and always smells nice.